Will Bowen’s new book is coming out soon. It’s called Complaint Free Relationships. Will wrote the international bestseller, A Complaint Free World, in 2007, and I called it the best book of 2008. I think his new one will become the best book of 2010.
The premise of Will’s work is that complaining is a habit you can change. Why would you want to change it? Because complaining is causing (or attracting) the very thing you are complaining about. Complaining begets complaining.
Depending on what level of awakening you’re on, you’ll either think Will is a sad dreamer or you’ll think he’s an optimistic visionary. I consider him the latter. I love his message so much that I’m a volunteer adviser on the Board of Directors for A Complaint Free World.
Will’s new book focuses on relationships because that’s what virtually all the complaining is about. Think about it. Probably in every situation you can name, the complaint is about another person. And your complaining isn’t helping them, or you.
I just started reading Will’s new book — it’s not out yet, so I’m looking at a pre-pub galley proof — and I’m in awe at his insights and suggestions. He’s making me aware of how I think about other people. Will points out that your thinking leads to your speaking, and your speaking reveals what you’re going to attract into your life. In other words, short circuit the thinking, change the speaking, and you’ll attract a different result.
In terms of my book The Attractor Factor, Will is covering the first two steps in my five step formula: stop before you openly declare what you don’t want (the complaint) and instead speak what you do want (the intention).
In terms of the book I wrote with Dr. Hew Len, Zero Limits, Will is revealing how you are causing your relationships to work, or not. He’s also showing you what to do next.
This isn’t easy. The habit of complaining is so ingrained and so second nature that it feels natural to us. But it’s not natural; it’s just learned. It’s a bad habit that isn’t serving us. It’s time for a change.
As with Will’s earlier work, he challenges us to stop complaining altogether. He asks us to wear a purple band on the wrist and, when we catch ourselves voicing a complaint, change the band to the other arm. The goal is to go thirty days without speaking a complaint or moving that bracelet.
For most people, it takes about six months to go thirty days complaint free. Why? Because it’s that hard to stop complaining. You’ll start each day with the thirty day goal in mind but before long you’ll speak a complaint and need to start over. If you don’t believe me, try it.
Will’s new book is backed with current scientific research. For those who think complaining feels good and gets them results, the documented research proves it doesn’t help at all. It’s a form of self-deception to think complaining changes anyone. It not only hurts others, it also hurts the complainer. It simply doesn’t work.
You’ll be able to get Will’s new book at book stores and of course online on December 29th (my birthday). If I were you, I’d go pre-order a copy right now. And since the holidays are upon us, get several copies for family and friends.
I’m pretty sure they won’t complain about the gift.
At least not after reading Will’s new book.
PS — Will’s main site is A Complaint Free World.
PPS – Baby picture above is of me at eight months old. I look complaint free, don’t I?
I saw Barbara Ehrenreich, author of the book Bright-Sided, on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart last week. Her book reveals “How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking Has Undermined America.” I love Jon Stewart’s interviews and was keenly curious about this author and her book.
As I watched Ehrenreich on television, I got the feeling she’s a wounded soul. She talked about being diagnosed with cancer and how people around her told her to just think positive. I know from having my own cancer scare a few years ago that her feelings were justified. When you’ve been diagnosed with the C word, you’ve been kicked in the gut. Smiling people don’t help. I felt for her and agreed with her. Positive thinking in that dire situation isn’t welcome, at least not at first.
As I often do after seeing a Jon Stewart interview, I jumped on Amazon and ordered her book. I was so curious that I paid extra for next day delivery.
It’s a well written historical overview of positive thinking. It mentions all the positive thinkers you might guess, from Napoleon Hill to Joel Olsteen , Jack Canfield, Will Bowen, Bob Doyle, Rhonda Byrne; to the teachers in the movie The Secret, including me.
Turns out Ehrenreich heard me speak a few years ago at the National Speakers Association annual convention. There were more than 6,000 people there, so I never met her. But I apparently left an impression. She says in her book –
“Vitale, who looks like a slightly elongated version of Danny DeVito, offers the theme of ‘inspired marketing,’ and also love. “
Inspired Marketing is the title of a book I wrote with Craig Perrine, and love is the core of everything I do.
But Ehrenreich didn’t say either fact.
She mentions I’m a disciple of P.T. Barnum in her book, too, but doesn’t explain that’s because I wrote a popular business book on him, titled There’s A Customer Born Every Minute.
For a journalist, she cleverly left off statements that would justify what I, and others she mentions in her book, stand for and teach.
The message of her book seems to be to use critical thinking, not positive thinking, in order to make a difference in your life and world. For her, positive thinking can be delusional, while critical thinking can give you a well-rounded view of your choices.
I agree with her.
The thing is, most people who say they are critical thinkers are actually skeptical thinkers. They quickly dismiss concepts without trying them, or demand scientific proof for concepts that are still being researched. That, to me, is delusional.
The most powerful books I’ve read on the subject of critical thinking are by Steve Siebold. His books are wake-up calls to your brain. Read his book 177 Mental Toughness Secrets of the World Class, or Die Fat or Get Tough, or read his forthcoming book on mental toughness secrets of the rich.
While I prefer positive thinking over negative thinking, I have to admit that positive thinkers can sometimes be blind to reality. When I had my cancer scare, I didn’t just think positive. I also took massive action. I searched for cures, I contacted all the healers and medical doctors I know, I tried every method offered to me, and I stayed persistent. The end result is a clean bill of health. But I didn’t get there by putting on a happy face and sitting in a corner.
Bright-Sided is a bestselling book and Ehrenreich is getting lots of publicity for it. While she ends the book with a call to be more critical in our thinking, and to take action to get results, I suspect it will mislead many readers. Too many will jump to the conclusion that positive thinking doesn’t work at all. They’ll use the book to justify not being optimistic, or not choosing to feel good. They’ll just keep on complaining.
My reminder to you is that you always have a choice: When confronted with any moment, you can look at it cheerfully, unhappily, or objectively. I prefer the latter but with a positive expectancy.
When I got the heath scare, I at first was walloped with the news. But then I set an intention to find a cure. I expected one because, as I say in my book The Attractor Factor, there’s always a way to handle any problem. My critical thinking — or maybe it’s better called objective thinking — included the possibility that positive action and positive expectation would be better than just unhappiness, happiness, or no action.
I appreciate critical thinking, but it’s subject to delusion, too. Most of the people I know who claim to be critical thinkers still have limiting beliefs and negative attitudes they aren’t even aware are in their own head. They are actually skeptical thinkers as a form of self-protection.
Combine all this with the Law of Attraction and you might see where critical/skeptical thinkers will find evidence for their beliefs, and positive thinkers will find evidence for their own beliefs. They’ll simply attract what they need to support their mindsets.
So how do you get out of this maze so you can have a clear-headed, productive life?
For me, the fastest thing that helps you get mentally clear is having the right coach. I know I’ve said it before but it needs said again: Every high achiever I know has a coach in their area of expertise. The coach can help them see their thinking patterns. The coach can help them stay accountable. The coach can help them achieve the results they want.
If having a coach is part of what Ehrenreich condemns as something that has “undermined America”, then I have to disagree with her. In fact, I’d go so far as to suggest she get a coach to help her unravel her own thinking about “Bright-Sided” being negative. It could also help her heal her psychic wounds.
But as she openly says, it’s “reckless optimism” that bothers her the most. With that in mind, I suggest she’s correct. You don’t want to be recklessly optimistic, but practically optimistic.
In other words, choose what you want, have an optimistic expectancy about the results, take action to attract it, and monitor your progress for feedback and course changes. That’s how you make practical use of the Law of Attraction.
That’s not being “Bright-Sided”, that’s being smart.
Finally, decades ago I had a landlord who made fun of me for reading success literature, such as positive thinking books.
I was struggling, broke and unknown at the time. I was paying him two hundred dollars a month to live in a dumpy little room in his house. I didn’t look like I was going anywhere in life.
He caught me reading a Norman Vincent Peale book (probably Enthusiasm Makes the Difference) and said, “You believe that shit?”
“I sure do, ” I said.
While at the time he questioned me I had no evidence for any future success, and any critical thinking person could have dismissed me as a dreamer, today I’m wealthy and well known.
Was it because I read positive thinking books?
Was it because I chose to be “bright-sided” about life?
Was it because I took massive action and kept a positive expectancy about my future?
What do you think?
PS – Check out my Miracles Coaching program by clicking right here.
Note: The T-shirt I’m wearing in the photo of me and the book says “I Create My Reality.” It’s backward writing. When I look at my shirt in the mirror, I see it clearly. It’s a direct message to my unconscious, and a real conversation starter for others who see it. Call it “Bright-Sided” clothing.
I was reading the book Measuring the Immeasurable: The Scientific Case for Spirituality, when I came across this line by biologist Bruce Lipton:
“Consequently, most of of our personal and cultural problems arise from the belief that we are running our lives with our conscious desires and aspirations.” He adds, “Yet our lives usually don’t match our intentions.”
Why don’t our lives match our intentions?
Don’t our intentions attract our reality?
Isn’t the Law of Attraction real?
Lipton goes on to explain, “Generally, the reason we fail to get what we desire is not because the Universe does not want us to succeed, but because we undermine our own efforts with ‘invisible’ limiting behaviors.”
This is so relevant to understanding the Law of Attraction.
What I’ve been teaching for years now — in my books, such as The Key, Zero Limits, The Attractor Factor, and Attract Money Now — and in my audio programs, such as The Missing Secret and The Secret to Attracting Money — is this: what you get is not based on what you consciously think, but on what you unconsciously think.
In other words, the attractor in your mind is the “invisible limiting behavior” Lipton refers to in his quote. Change that and you’ll have a different result.
This explains why some people were aghast that I had an “adventure” in Russia. They thought because I know the Law of Attraction that I am somehow immune from the more challenging experiences of life.
I’m human. I have old programs in my mind, too. As I said in the previous blog post, I had early programming about Russia. It had nothing to do with Russia. That early programming was the “invisible limiting behavior” that attracted my experience in Russia.
A few of the teachers in the movie The Secret have had life challenges broadcast by the media and made public. Does that mean the Law of Attraction doesn’t work, or does it mean each had some unconscious programming even they weren’t aware of that got attracted into reality?
Don’t be too quick to judge.
Each of us has limiting programming in our unconscious mind.
No wonder some people say the Law of Attraction doesn’t work. They have the superficial understanding that if they think something, it should automatically get attracted into their life.
It doesn’t work that way.
Instead, you attract what you un-consciously believe and expect.
The shocking truth about the Law of Attraction is that it does work – but not in a way to make your life non-stop ice cream and Disneyland rides; but instead to make it a non-stop process of awakening.
That’s the reason you’re here.
Bruce Lipton and others — including me – teach that those unconscious programs in your mind can be deleted or changed.
As you become more aware, you clear up the old baggage under the floorboards of your mind and make your life less stressful.
Then you can have a more Disneyland-like ride through life.
But it rarely happens overnight.
Some of the tools I use to accomplish this awakening are —
1. Zero Limits. I still use the four phrases from ho’oponopono to clear myself. As Dr. Hew Len admits, this is a non-stop process. You can’t do it once. You have to do it forever. That’s how much clutter is in your mind. He’s been doing it for 25 years. How long have you been doing it?
2. EFT. I still use the famous “tapping” cure to handle most things that come up for me. It’s fast, easy, and free. Are you using it?
3. Coaching. Since the programming in your mind is invisible to you, having an objective outside party works wonders in getting clear fast. I still use a coach today. Everyone needs one. Do you have one?
I also suggest you read such mind-expanding books as Bruce Lipton’s new book, Spontaneous Evolution, and my own new book, Attract Money Now.
Remember, you are unconsciously attracting what you get in your life – but that’s not cause for blame or guilt; it’s just stimulus to clear the limiting programming so you are free to live a life of Divine inspiration and moment-by-moment awe.
PS — If you want to use the Law of Attraction to attract money, you need to get clear of the invisible programming in you around money. Read my latest book on the subject, free, at www.attractmoneynow.com or get the beautiful printed hardcover book, with a free DVD of a live presentation on attracting money, by clicking right here.
During my recent whirlwind trip to Russia, I was heavily questioned during news conferences, book signings, and television shows. Some of the questions were about the Law of Attraction, Zero Limits, my life, and more. They were stimulating, surprising and sometimes blunt. Here are a few of them:
In your book Zero Limits you say to ‘Kill the Divine’. What do you mean? That’s a sin!
First, I didn’t say that; my coauthor Dr. Hew Len did. Second, there is the Divine and there is your concept of the Divine. What you want to do is kill your concept of the Divine.
What’s it like to wake up famous?
I’ve never awakened famous. I wake up hungry.
Are you creating a culture of consumerism?
Consumerism is a negative word for a positive trend. When people buy something to enrich their lives, they are showing they respect themselves. But you can poison that positive by calling it something negative, like consumerism.
You have many followers in Russia. Are you creating a cult?
I didn’t even know my books were published in Russian. I’m glad to have fans. But there’s no cult, or organized group, or even a leader. Just readers of my books.
What kind of women do you like? Did you attract any of the women here?
I love all women. I attracted every woman in the room.
Did you ever meet a UFO alien?
What was it like?
That’s a secret.
Do you believe in astrology?
I am fascinated with Eastern Astrology, but I find it wiser to go to the source that moves the planets than to the planets.
How can anyone be happy with so much suffering in the world?
How does your unhappiness help those suffering?
Do you ever get tired of being happy all the time?
If the Law of Attraction works and you can have everything you want, how come you’re fat?
I am a work in progress, just like you. While I’ve dramatically transformed my body, I’m not done with it yet. Anything you’re trying to attract but don’t have yet could be simply on the way.
Are there any new clearing tools since writing Zero Limits?
Yes. I’m inspired to say Russians are to eat or drink the Siberian berry, Sea-Buckthorn.
Many wealthy people help others. What are you doing to help others?
Many things. I give money to people and services I believe in, I started Operation YES to end homelessness, and I’m a contributor to the Circles program to end poverty.
I want to believe you but there are other books out there that say the Law of Attraction is bogus. What do I do?
You choose. The Law of Attraction is based on what you believe. If you believe it works, you’ll attract evidence to prove it works. If you believe it doesn’t work, you’ll find evidence that proves it doesn’t work. In both cases, the Law of Attraction is giving you what you believe.
I want to attract a man. How do I do that?
You clear the beliefs in you that say there aren’t enough good men out there, or you don’t deserve a man, or even you don’t feel lovable.
My man left me. How do I get him back?
You have to allow people their free will. The more you can be happy now, enjoy your life and be present, the more that person — or someone better — will come to you. But don’t target any one person.
What if what I want for me is wrong?
If you want something that makes you feel whole and happy, and helps others, it’s not likely to be wrong. But end all your requests with the phrase, “This or something better.”
What is your next book? Will it be in Russian?
My next book is Attract Money Now. It’ll be in Russian as soon as someone translates it. I’m giving it away, gratis, to the world.
I was fascinated by Russia (the little I saw of it), but I had to leave it unexpectedly and in great danger. Soon I’ll post an account of my harrowing escape.
PS — Read Attract Money Now in English and for free by clicking right here. It reveals my 7-step formula on how to use the Law of Attraction to attract money fast. Get the printed hardcover version — which comes with a free DVD of me explaining how to attract money now before a live audience — by clicking right here. Tell the world.
Optimism? How can anyone be an optimist during these times? What grounds are there for being optimistic, anyway? Is it at all realistic?
A few weeks ago a friend asked me how I learned to see the good in life and the good in people. The question stopped me. I had to think. It’s true I look for the good in people and in life. It’s true I learned to do it.
But how? When? Why?
I remember being very unhappy in college. One time I sat on the steps of the house I had a room in (back at Kent State University), feeling sad. A couple walking by looked at me. The woman said, “You look really unhappy.”
A close friend of mine in college even went as far as to say I was “naturally pessimistic.”
Decades ago, on the streets of Dallas, jobless and sleepless with worry, I stood at a bus stop. A man crossing the street looked at me and said, “You look terrible.”
That doesn’t happen today.
No one says I am pessimistic today.
Why am I smiling in this recent photo of Lynne McTaggart (author of The Intention Experiment and The Field)?
Why do I smile more often than not these days?
Why am I now “naturally optimistic”?
What happened to the natural pessimist?
Here’s the secret: I’ve spent a fortune to work on myself over the last few decades – meaning I read books, listened to audios, attended events, and got coaches.
All of this personal development helped me erase the beliefs causing my feelings and behavior.
All of this led to a transformation that today is so dramatically different than what I once was, I’m only the same person by name.
The point is this: Anything can be learned. Anyone can change.
The new science of neuro-plasticity is proving it. So is the new science of positive psychology. We live in an exciting world where even science is starting to point to the miraculous.
But back to me seeing the good in people and in life.
I learned from legendary psychologist William James that whatever I focus on will expand. It’s basic Law of Attraction but without the woo-woo. It’s fundamental psychology.
If you look for bad things, you’ll tend to find them, focus on them, and then see more of them. Your focus will “expand” them into your life.
Change your focus and you change your life.
This is why the work of Will Bowen (author of A Complaint-Free World) and his complaint-free world movement is so important. I’m on his board of directors because I know the power of not complaining but instead stating what you want.
In Law of Attraction terms (as explained in my book The Attractor Factor) it simply means don’t state what you don’t want (the complaint) but instead declare what you do want (your intention).
When it comes to other people, Goethe had something to say about this, too:
“Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you help them to become what they are capable of being.”
I’ve also learned that when you find the good in people and situations, you feel better. You’re happier, healthier, and ultimately wealthier.
People around you feel better, too. They don’t have to defend themselves from your complaining about them or trying to change them.
You love them and they feel it.
This is the core of the Zero Limits ho’oponopono process, as well. You don’t try to change anyone. After all, they are mirror images of you, anyway. Whatever you don’t like in them is something you don’t like inside you.
Might as well love what you see.
In short, reality is what you see, and what you see is what you choose.
Whether the glass is half empty or half full is a choice of perception.
It may not feel like a choice when you start practicing this way of living, but only because of habit. As you continue to pause, decide on what you want to see in any moment, and choose the positive view, you soon learn that being an optimist is a very realistic thing to do. It will become your new nature.
I love that more and people are learning to be optimistic about life. There are a long line of books and people teaching us you have a choice about how you can view life. Whether actor Michael J. Fox (author, Always Looking Up) or Joe Vitale (author, Attract Money Now), the lesson is the same: focus on what you want and you’ll tend to bring it about.
Where is your focus?
Dr. Joe Vitale
PS — Nothing works faster to transform you than having your own coach. Please check out my famous Miracles Coaching program. If you want to be optimistic no matter what, and live the life of an optimist breathing optimism, coaching can be your ticket to freedom. Forget reality. It’s only what you perceive, and your perception is under your control.