Have you ever said – or heard someone say – “It is what it is”?
I’ve been hearing it a lot, too.
Every time I do, I cringe.
Something about the statement just doesn’t feel right.
I couldn’t put my finger on it at first.
Then it hit me.
“It is what it is” is a statement of victim-hood.
It comes from a mind prepared to roll over and accept the circumstances they are in as final.
It’s a statement of powerlessness.
I was still considering the implications of the wimpy “It is what it is” line when I stumbled across a Facebook video by John Spencer Ellis.
I know John from years ago, when he put me in his movie, The Compass.
John articulated what I hadn’t yet realized: the line “It is what it is” is a declaration of surrender.
John urged you and I to stop saying it.
Now that I have more clarity around the line, I totally agree.
It is one of the wimpiest statements of all time.
Instead of saying “It is what it is,” say “It is what it is for the moment and I am doing something about it!” and then speak what you want, not what you are giving in to, and act to make your new intention a new reality.
Surrendering is a high spiritual act when you are surrendering to your highest ideals; it’s a poor act of victim mentality when you surrender to circumstances you honestly don’t like.
I’ll repeat that:
Surrendering is a high spiritual act when you are surrendering to your highest ideals; it’s a poor act of victim mentality when you surrender to circumstances you honestly don’t like.
So many of us deceive ourselves with statements that at first glance look innocent — like “It is what it is” — instead of looking deeper to find what hides behind the statement.
I’m not suggesting that you deny reality or the facts you may be facing, but I am suggesting that accepting facts as the final verdict is a poor move.
Think of the movie The Untouchables.
When actor Sean Connery turns to Kevin Costner and says, “And what are you prepared to do now?”
In that movie, Connery’s character is suggesting they bend the rules in order to get the bad guy.
I’m not suggesting you do anything illegal or unethical, but I am urging you to “bend the rules” or find a way around the rules so you can achieve the outcome you want.
You have this choice in every moment.
The moment could be one where you accept the consequences already in play as final, and you shrug and say “It is what it is” or it could be one where you are aware of the moment but declare, “I am doing something about this to change it!”
You can choose to give up to the flow in place.
Or you can choose to redirect the flow.
It’s important to understand the difference between self-awareness and self-deception.
Awareness of the moment means you understand the reality of what you are facing and take new actions to go in a new direction.
Deception is when you understand the reality of what you are facing and think you can’t do anything to change it.
I’ve been reading the book, Not Impossible by Mick Ebeling.
It’s the story of a man who learns to say YES! to the biggest challenges brought to him, even the “impossible” ones, and then scrambles to figure out a way to make what he just promised come into reality.
He’s famous for creating artificial limbs for war victims out of 3-D printers.
He could have said “It is what it is” and went about his life.
Instead he said the equivalent of, “It is what it is and I am doing something to change it!”
And he did.
The point here is to be aware of the statements you speak and how you feel when you say them.
Do they empower you or weaken you?
You want to be empowered, so you can live out your mission and make a difference.
After all, is anything really impossible?
PS — I started Miracles Coaching so you can have one on one assistance in working with your database of hidden beliefs and concepts like this blog post. Check it out.
Elsie Lincoln Benedict – the forgotten wonder woman of self-help who I wrote about here on my February 15, 2015 blog post – taught me something profound.
I was reading her 1921 book, How to Unlock Your Subconscious Mind (sometimes called Mental Analysis: How to Unlock Your Subconscious Mind) when I came across this insight in the final chapter:
“Whatever your conscious mind affirms, visualizes and suggests to the subconscious, the subconscious will build into your life.”
For you and I today, that’s probably not news. But in 1921, it was a breakthrough new concept.
It basically said that you could choose what you want with your conscious mind, and with intention and imagery, you could get it into the subconscious, where it would take seed and begin to grow.
Why is this so important?
Because Elsie said something else right before revealing that concept that was even more insightful, and something so profound that I had to reread it a few times.
Elsie wrote –
“This newest, hitherto unpublished and most far-reaching of all the discoveries concerning the laws of human life is that every human being GETS his supreme subconscious wish.”
In short, there is a type of prime directive in your subconscious mind.
It is the secret guiding desire for your life.
You may not know what it is, but your subconscious is attracting into your life everything to make it real.
What you are getting right now is a match to the secret desire of your subconscious – your “supreme subconscious wish.”
In my own work, I talk a lot about counter-intentions.
A counter-intention is a hidden belief in contrast to what you consciously say you want.
You might consciously say you want a new job, but unconsciously believe you won’t get one due to the economy (or some other excuse/reason/belief), and your unconscious, being more powerful, will make the counter-intention come true.
Elsie would probably agree but her deeper insight is that the subconscious has one major intention and it will allow nothing to come about to contradict it.
Elsie explains –
“Let us repeat: Your supreme subconscious wish dictates your life. It permits nothing seriously to interfere with its materialization. It is automatic, implacable. What you want most of all, as a condition in your life, it will get for you.”
Now think about this.
If your conscious intent is to attract more money – for yourself or others or causes you believe in – but your secret subconscious wish is to avoid money so you consider yourself “spiritual,” then your subconscious mind will make sure that you get your chief hidden intention — and stay broke.
Your subconscious secret desire will win.
It’s the same scenario with anything you can name.
Want a relationship but secretly want to stay alone because it feels safer?
Then nothing you do will work because the secret intent of your subconscious will control the outcome. You will be alone but “safe.”
Want better health but secretly want to stay ill so you can avoid taking actions and risks in the world?
Then your overriding subconscious desire will make sure you stay ill. You will be sick but “risk free.”
Elsie goes on to explain that your secret desire is for a feeling or condition, not anything specific. She says –
“Our supreme subconscious wish is never for any specific thing or person but for a condition, a certain avenue of self-expression.”
Elsie’s insight, offered in 1921, is a mind opener.
Here’s why –
First, realizing you have a secret subconscious “prime directive” helps explain why you are attracting what you have in your life: your subconscious insists on it.
Second, realizing you can change your subconscious secret desire to something else – with your conscious mind affirming and visualizing a new outcome – is enlightening and empowering.
Once again, Elsie has rocked my world.
I trust you see the power of these insights from our dear woman of the 1920s.
But here’s a suggestion –
You can sit and reflect on what your subconscious might want for you, which will help explain what you are attracting into your life.
You can then use your conscious mind to offer new instructions to your subconscious, reprogramming it to help you attract more of what you consciously prefer.
Elsie was pointing the way to the hidden operations in our mind, long before positive psychology and neuroscience came into play.
Thank you, Elsie.
I love you.
PS – Unraveling your own beliefs can be tricky, since you are the one wrapped up inside of them. The fastest way to expand your mind is with the help of your own Miracles Coach. Check out Miracles Coaching.
Whenever I’m asked what methods I personally use to clear myself of limiting beliefs, I always say three things —
1. Ho’oponopono. This simple prayer, described in the books At Zero and Zero Limits, is what I do daily (even right now, as I’m writing this).
2. Tapping. Whether you call it EFT or TFT or something else, I use the “tapping” method almost daily, for anything that feels “off” in my life.
3. Questioning. I question beliefs much like Sherlock Holmes investigated a crime or Socrates guided his students into clarity.
I’ve touched on this last method in various programs and books, but never really explained it here, on this blog. Today’s the day to do so.
I first learned the power of questions from Barry Neil Kaufman, author of To Love Is To Be Happy With.
“Bears,” as he likes to be called, teaches that you can explore any limits in your life with the right questions and the right attitude. I studied with Bears in 1985 and still reflect back on what I learned from him.
Later, I gained deeper insight into this questioning method from Mandy Evans, who wrote Traveling Free and Emotional Options.
I’ve often called Mandy the original Miracles Coach. She’s helped me off and on for almost thirty years. I owe much of my clarity to her, which led to much of my success.
At one point, decades ago, I was so fascinated with the power of questions that I made business cards calling myself a Socratic Dialogue Consultant.
I thought I might help people by coaching them through the right questions and the right attitude. Life redirected me into writing books and coaching people through words.
But those business cards foreshadowed what I later became: a coach through my work.
So what are the right questions and the right attitude to clear beliefs?
My approach to getting clear through questions goes like this:
First, an attitude of unconditional love is essential.
Any sense of judgment will shut down your willingness to explore. You really need the attitude of detachment, curiosity, and pure accepting love behind every question.
Second, I explore beliefs with the curiosity of a benevolent angel.
When I sense or hear a limiting belief, I want to get curious about it.
Remember, beliefs are not facts. Beliefs can be explored.
They may feel like facts, but beliefs are mental judgments we made up at some point for a variety of reasons. They can be explored and released.
“There isn’t enough money for me” or “I’ll never find the perfect love” or “Sex is bad” are all beliefs.
None are real.
None can be proven by science.
None are universally agreed as true.
Those beliefs can be examined.
Many people can’t find their operating beliefs because they are living them as truths.
To explore a belief, you need to know the belief.
That’s why having an objective person help you can be priceless.
But one way to locate a belief is to ask yourself what a situation means.
In other words, I often say, “The meaning you give an event is the belief that attracted it.”
Think about that —
“The meaning you give an event is the belief that attracted it.”
When you feel stuck or have a problem, how do you describe it?
“I’ve always been this way.”
“This always happens to me.”
Your explanation of the event is most likely the belief that helped create it.
If you really feel you can’t locate the core belief, then just guess at it.
If you knew the belief behind the troubling circumstance, what might it be?
Take a guess.
Accept whatever comes as your starting point.
Now that you have the belief, or at least a belief to begin this process, you are ready to clear it.
My first question of any belief might be, “Do I believe it?”
After all, upon questioning, I might see that I really don’t believe it.
If I don’t, we can stop there.
But if I feel I do believe it, then the next question might be, “Why do I believe it?”
That question is searching for the evidence of the belief. That of course can be anything, from what I heard to what I saw.
I then want to go deeper and ask, “Do I believe the evidence?”
Again, I may answer no, I don’t, and I’m done.
But if I do believe it, I want to ask, “Why do I believe it?”
Again, we are digging deeper, looking for more reasons or stories for the belief.
At some point I might ask, “What would happen if I didn’t believe it?”
The result of all this questioning is freedom.
I’m the first to admit that doing this “Socratic Clearing” on your own is tough.
You can do it, but you’re stuck in the world of your own beliefs, questioning your own beliefs.
It’s like being in a hypnotic trance and trying to talk yourself out of your own trance.
It’s possible, but not easy.
Results will be faster if you actually work with a coach trained to help you get clear of your beliefs.
Of course, I created Miracles Coaching almost a decade ago to help you do just that.
You can learn more at Miracles Coaching.
PS – My approach to questioning beliefs is different from what Barry Neil Kaufman, Mandy Evans, and others in their field practice. If you want to know more, please look for their books. If you want to go really deep, learn from the man credited with coming up with the process both Bears and Mandy use today: Bruce Di Marsico. There’s a three volume set of books based on his work that you might enjoy at http://www.dialoguesinselfdiscovery.com/?p=stores&cat_id=1&product_id=10 There is also a warm book about Bruce Di Marsico called The Guru Next Door. See http://thegurunextdoor.com/ Of course, there are many other belief clearing methods around. One of my favorites is from Morty Lefkoe. See http://www.mortylefkoe.com/ And, for the record, the “person” who got me interested in beliefs at all, many decades ago, was Jane Roberts’ Seth. Jerry and Ether Hicks, of Abraham fame, took up the ball that Seth started, but (for me and many others) it all goes back to Seth.
PPS – This free new e-book can help you, too: http://www.theabundanceproject.com/book.php?linkid=428600
In the October, 1927 issue of Nautilus magazine, prolific Law of Attraction author Brown Landone revealed a way to give yourself a “shock treatment” to attract more money.
I’m a huge fan of Landone. He wrote more than 100 books, including The Success Process, before his death in 1945. I was deeply interested in this article by him in this old magazine of New Thought ideas.
In it, Landone told the story of coaching a woman who came to him complaining that her husband had a weak heart and wasn’t successful.
She wanted him fixed.
Landone explained that he didn’t fix anybody.
He knew that once you found your own inner peace, the rest would follow.
“..I know that abundance is a result of attaining the kingdom of heaven, and that each soul’s kingdom of heaven is within himself.”
He went on to say that he might help in uncovering the source or cause for the heart palpitations and the lack of success, which would help the man discover his own inner kingdom.
In other words, if he could help the man get clear of his inner blocks, the results would follow.
So he agreed to see the husband.
After a brief discussion with the husband, Landone discovered the man had $647 in savings and made $47.50 a week. (This was 1927, remember.)
He also learned that the husband had lost much of his “gusto” for life; that he was simply going through the motions in his day to day life, without much hope or enthusiasm for anything better.
With that information, Landone did something shocking.
He told the husband to go out and spend all the money!
“I told him to buy his wife five new dresses that afternoon, to order a $90 suit of clothes for himself, to purchase a $740 auto within a week, and to buy a $6,000 or $7,000 home within a month!”
The advice stunned me.
How in the world could he tell a struggling man, just getting by, to go empty his savings and extend himself financially?!?
What logic was behind this?
I was riveted to Landone’s article, wanting to know why he gave such a controversial directive.
Landone went on to explain, “Beginning to lose hope, leads to lack of daring.”
He wanted the husband to wake up!
He wanted the husband to stretch.
He wanted him to dare again.
He wanted him to get out of his comfort zone.
He wanted him to shock his own mind and awaken it.
The man listened, and acted.
Landone said the first thing that happened is the man’s heart began to beat evenly again. 🙂
And then the man began to think of new ways to improve his position at work, which led to him getting promoted, and then getting a higher salary.
Within a few months, the man’s consciousness had changed to the degree that he left his job, started his own business, and saw his revenue leap to $90,000 a year — in 1927!
The man told Landone, “Why it’s silly to be poor, isn’t it?”
I love the story and the message.
In my book, Attract Money Now, I call Prosperous Purchasing one of the seven steps for attracting more money.
The idea is to honor and appreciate yourself by being honest: when you have the desire for a product or service, and you have the funds, then go ahead and make the purchase.
It’s an affirmation of prosperity to do so.
But Landone suggested buying and investing more than what you are comfortable with, and putting yourself into a scary place financially, as a way to “shock” or “kick start” your own mind.
Instead of playing it safe, you shake yourself by taking a risk.
You over ride your fear with an act of faith.
And then you watch your mind come alive with new ideas.
It’s not about feeling desperate, but about feeling driven.
When I interviewed Jen Sincero, author of the book, You Are A Badass, she told me that her life changed when she hired a coach.
She also said making the decision to do so rocked her world.
“I tapped out my credit card to hire the coach,” she told me. “And the first thing that happened is I threw up.”
Jen went on to tell me that she called her coach and tried to get her money back.
“But the coach told me that my vomiting was part of the process,” Jen explained. “I was beginning my transformation right then and there.”
If you find yourself in a financial lull, consider giving yourself a prosperity shock treatment.
Simply Dare Something Worthy.
Consider what you really want to buy (for yourself or someone else) but are afraid to do so, and then go buy it!
If you are reading this and feeling your heart race and your palms sweat, then you know what to do next.
To be blunt, are you going to come from fear or faith?
Said another way, the idea isn’t to get rid of fear, it’s to use it as a catalyst for new ideas, actions, and results.
Dare and grow rich.
PS — Just as Brown Landone was a coach to the husband, you’ll get faster results with your own coach, too. Check out Miracles Coaching. Remember, it’s okay to stretch. It’s time to shock yourself into awakening. Do it!